well I can't set my house on fire every night
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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