So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
