hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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