i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
