very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
