I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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