Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
