I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
