i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
