U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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