Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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