im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
