Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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