you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
