even my farts smell like vagina
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
