True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i now understand why vodka
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
