you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
