Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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