Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
