Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
this just has baby written all over it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
