I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
