Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
