my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He passed out mid-signature
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
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Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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