A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
