What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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