I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
