it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
