I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
