we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
