She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
