One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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