Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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