All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize