I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
