did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
