Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if only i could text you this smell
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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