open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
