You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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