love makes seman taste better
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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