i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
