I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize