you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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