her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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