Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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