I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
