You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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