I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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