he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
