All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
