So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize