I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
