I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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