wanna go halves on a baby?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
