He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
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but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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