she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
