You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i love accidental penises.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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