I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize