Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
