mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
