Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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