Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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