You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
