You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You've changed since you got that strap on
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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