He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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